We’ve been together three whole years now! After my divorce, I was super clear on what I wanted in a relationship: what I wanted to give, what I wanted to receive, and the way of being together that I desired. When the time was right for each of us, it happened. It took me a little by surprise, to be honest.
Halfway through a nice long bushwalk recently, we sat down to enjoy the view and made commitments for the next year of our relationship: to keep our hearts open to each other, to put down our devices and be present with each other, to laugh at each other’s jokes. As we walked back down the path, we talked about our desires for our relationship, for ourselves, for our communities, and all of the things we’re grateful for.
I love him both for who he is as a man, and for who I get to be when I’m with him.
He is deeply kind, tenacious, conscious, rigorously curious. His goofy dance moves crack me right up into the delight of life, and the way he holds me makes me feel safe and loved.
With him, I get to be myself, loved, expressed, wild, playful. I get to make mistakes and be imperfect and still be worthy of his love (so healing for my inner perfectionist). I get to pursue my work with support and encouragement. I get to put an embroidered self portrait of my vulva on the wall next to our bed and it’s cool.
Before you go thinking everything is too perfect, you should also know this. One of the funniest things to him is when I smell one of his rank farts (I just read this out loud to him, and he grinned and said “I approve that message”. Even just thinking about it is hilarious to him.)
I take things he says too personally sometimes and fire back. We argue about money, and household duties, and stupid things.
And I’m continuing to choose this relationship, all of it!
I don’t really believe the saying that you have to love yourself first before someone else can love you. There are times in your life where it serves you better to be single, to focus on your own needs and growth. But if you want to be in a relationship, it can be one of the most powerful and fruitful containers for growth!